Trapped

I think I've officially hit my quarter-life crisis. I feel like I've run out of time. I'm well past my due date for a lot of things. I always thought I'd be out of school and married by now.

So much for that, on both counts.

Maybe I'm just in a funk. The world seems very oppressive and alien to me lately -- I know what I want, but the means to get there seem insurmountable, and I've been paralyzed by pathetic nostalgia. I was so happy, and so blind. How do people deal with this shit? I've tried to consume myself with work; It just makes me tired, and turns my home into a disgusting hovel. I don't have the time, space, or energy to create the art that I want to. I loathe that the root of my problem is money. I owe a lot of it, and I'm only making enough to make ends meet... maybe a little more. I can't pay off my various debts, let alone pursue the kind of quality of life that I so desperately want.

I am lost.

I've been thinking on and off about picking up the violin for years. I've always chickened out at the last minute, mostly because I'm afraid it's just one of those passing phases of mine where I really want to learn how to do something but the second I actually start to try, I realize that the time I'd have to put into it is far more than I am capable or willing to. However, the desire has cropped up again in spades recently.

I need to do some research -- I'm sure a beginner violin can't be too expensive...

New and Improved

What a week.

Moved into my new place, got settled, met Cat's mom (super sweet, by the way), got a new phone, been hanging out with friends and making new ones, experiencing new things, new new new newwwwwwww! Seriously, I feel like I just came out of a cocoon.

Missy, Chels, Kipple, Rach, Liz, Billy, Mom, Dad, Laura, Dom, Bri, JP, Ling Ling, all you guys and waaaaay more (I'm sorry it's a long list) -- Thank you. I love you all. You are awesome.

I have a new job.

I have a new phone.

I have more friends.

I'm newly(ish) single.

I have a new apartment.

I'm working on a new body.

I have a new outlook on life.

I have new plans for my future.

It's a new year. Coincidence? I think NOT!

I'm at work 30 hours a week. I'm rarely home. I spend my spare time drinking with friends from CCF or Joe's or, on the off chance I -am- home, creating art that I can honestly say I'm proud of. I have people in my life -- friends both new and old, that care about my wellbeing and happiness, who genuinely enjoy my company and have no qualms about voicing it. I've been given a veritable library of advice, learned some extremely valuable life lessons, and have had a massive windfall of positivity and support in my life coming in to 2011. It's been said that it's always darkest before the dawn...

...and baby? Here comes the fucking SUN.

For the first time in months I am absolutely, positively, unbelievably, unabashedly happy.

I am a leaf on the wind; Watch how I soar.